Marriage Advice for Husbands
In a month and half my husband, Alex, and I will be married for five years! That is so crazy to think about. In lieu of our up-coming anniversary, I asked him to come up with a couple points that I could add to a blog post where he gave marriage advice from the husband’s perspective. See below!
WHAT TO WHEN SHE IS UPSET
Generally if your wife is upset, it's typically increased in severity due to one or both of these reasons:
1) They’re hungry but refuse to eat, or are hangry and don't realize it until you bring it up.
2) It's because of a lack of sleep/hydration or combination of both.
Be sure to, and without being condescending, lovingly ask your wife if she would like something to eat (bonus points if you bring her chocolate!), or share that you are thirsty and wanted to offer her a glass of water as you get yours.
The biggest thing is not to take things personally. When you identify that the frustrations directed towards you are elevated beyond what would be deemed fitting for the transgression… just try to be supportive. Especially as she learns to identify the deficiencies she may be feeling in sleep, nutrition, and hydration as contributing factors to her already volatile mood.
SHE DOES NOT ALWAYS WANT YOU TO FIX EVERYTHING
Remember, husbands, as much as we are “doers, fixers, etc”, our wives desperately need affirmations of love, encouragement, and reassurance.
Every time we have a suggestion, as harmless as we may think, it can trigger a floodgate of emotions or spiraling thoughts. As protectors, it’s helpful to identify how we share constructive criticism.
STEP 1: Before sharing your thoughts, ask them if they want suggestions or feedback. If their response is “not right now”, simply ask them when would be a more appropriate time to share what's on your heart. If they’re open, establish “safety” in the conversation prior to any criticism, no matter how “constructive” we believe it to be, by giving your spouse unconditional benefit of the doubt.
STEP TWO: State observations based on fact not on feeling followed by how it was interpreted.
STEP THREE: Re-establish safety if they get defensive at your observations but follow up with a question.
For example, let's say there was an agreement that the two of you were to workout 3 times a week. When, perhaps, she didn’t follow through, establish an opportunity and plan to help her stay accountable with her goals. You could ask her when would be an appropriate time to have a conversation regarding workouts.
STEP FOUR: Once it’s time for the conversation you can start with, “I am really excited that we are committing to grow and develop our physical walk of life and I wanted to ensure that I am doing everything I can to assist where appropriate. I love you, and I am incredibly grateful for who you are and the effort I see you pour out daily. Really I wanted to ask you if you’d like me to help be an accountability partner with your physical walk, and help we stay on top of this important goal. Would me being an accountability partner be something that you’d desire, or is there another system that you feel would be appropriate to help you stay on track?”
The goal in communicating this was to make sure you have permission in this area to offer criticism or guidance. Your spouse may avoid you helping hold her accountable for a variety of reasons but rest assured if you follow this formula, from my experience, the wife will slowly see that by you doing this, it is not as an attack against her, but a desire to help them reach their goals.
